Meera's pov-

The days have been going peaceful but still I can feel something going wrong. A week before I saw him, my past and after that I started getting nightmares and panic attacks. I have to tell Krsh about him and my past as soon as possible otherwise things will not end well. But I don't want to say anything on the phone. This is not something we can talk and discuss on the phone.

This is not good, that is why I was getting this intuition that something is not good. I just want to be with Krsh expeditiously. And the fact that we have not talked for the last two weeks is increasing my anxiety on the top. I have just received a message from him two weeks before that he is going to London for his upcoming meeting and will not be able to talk as he is going to be busy. So I agreed with this wish of his and wished him all the luck of this world.

But I have been waiting all these days for at least a message but nothing. And I can't do anything except wait. I have talked to Shanaya and ma and they both have assured me that he will be back soon and they also have not got the chance to talk to him. Although I should not feel like this, I am relaxed a little bit knowing that I am not the only one who has not talked to him these last few days.

Also there has been a black car specifically Audi standing in front of the school I go to work. Though I cannot see inside, since the windows of the car did not allow me but there is this unknown feeling not in a bad way, I see this car everyday whenever I go and come back from school.

I can just pray to God that everything will be fine and this feeling of uneasiness will go away soon. I was still in school ready to go home and as I was looking for a cab I saw him. He has not changed in all these years, still those dark eyes that make me shiver and all uncomfortable. His one stare is enough to make days horrible and nights unbearable. I can feel myself shivering, sweaty hands and I gulped to make my dry throat wet. I am sure that my eyes will be reflecting what fear has he evoke inside me.

Before he could come to me, I saw an auto stopping in front of me and he backed off and went away. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes, to calm my nerves down and told the driver my address. I can feel tears sliding down from my eyes. Why is it always me? What have I done to him? After all these years why is he back? I just want to go back home, in my room and hide myself but more than this I want Krsh with me. I don't know why but I am craving him, beside me. I want to be in his arms and feel that secure feeling. I tried calling him but he didn't pick up.

By the time I calmed myself, I reached home and as I entered I saw baba coming from his room. Rohan as usual is with his friend at their house as they have to do some assignment. I smiled at him and he gestured to me to sit beside him.

"How was your day, beta?" He asked, patting my head lovingly. I can again feel myself getting teared up, so before he can see my tears, I laid down, keeping my head on his lap.

"I get it, you are tired." He said and I could feel his smile when he was saying that. I just nodded my head and closed my eyes.

"Today, I got a call from Raj bhaisaab (brother). The meeting for which Krsh went to London went great and he is coming back to India tomorrow. Also he got the best businessman of the year award and so he was thinking of giving a surprise to Krsh by calling you there."

"Means?" I asked frowning.

"It means that you will go there but Krsh will not know that you are coming and on the day of him getting an award you will be present there as a surprise. Will you like to go?"

"Should I go baba?" I asked him.

"Ofcourse, you should. Krsh will be so happy to see you there. Nothing is hidden from parents' eyes and we all can see the love between you two." I blushed listening to him and whined because of his teasing.

"Okay, okay I will not tease you further. Also the event is being held after a week so tell me when you want to go." Baba said, laughing a little.

After that I don't know when I slept as he was stroking my hair. When I woke up, I found myself wrapped in a blanket with a pillow under me, it was already dinner time and Rohan also came.

We all proceeded for it and after eating everyone went to sleep. I went to change and freshen up and thought to call Krsh again, but he still didn't pick up. I sighed and then went to sleep.

___________________________________________________________________________

After a week

I reached Mumbai and saw the car which papaji sent for me. I greeted driver uncle and then we took off for the Singhania mansion. Upon reaching there I saw Shanaya already standing outside. She came to me and hugged me when I returned.

"Thank god, I was there to see you. You know Krsh bhai is here and he didn't go to his office, so I am here to escort you to your room without him knowing, as you are his surprise now. Come on bhabhi, we are going through the back door." Shanaya said while patting herself as if she is doing the most important work.

I giggled a little and then went with her. We reached my room and I should say that Shanaya has been totally acting like a spy and through her antics she kept me entertained the whole time. I talked with her for almost two hours. I couldn't even go downstairs to meet everyone as they are with Krsh and he is oblivious to all this and I am grateful that Shanaya gave me company the whole time.

Then ma came, I hugged her and we got into another hour of talking session, in which I was the least talking. Another blessing of marrying Krsh is the lovely family I am going to live with.

"Oh god!! It's six already, Shanaya, Meera come on, get up and get ready fast. The event starts in two hours and we are not ready yet. Raj must be finding me everywhere, I have to go to him. Shanaya makes sure Krsh will not be able to see Meera until he gets the award." Ma said, panicking, while looking at the clock. And after giving the instructions she went to get ready herself.

"So bhabhi, you get ready and I will see you when we are all ready to go to the venue. Okay."

I nodded and said yes to her and then she also went out. I locked the door and proceeded to start getting ready by going for a shower first. I feel so refreshed and energetic. I went to my suitcase to take my outfit. I chose to wear a saree which is almost plain in red color but had heavy work on the blouse which had full sleeves. I accessorized it with heavy gold earrings and a simple necklace which Krsh gifted me. For makeup I chose to apply a little blush, kajal and red lipstick and for hair I did a French braid.

It took me one and a half hours to get ready and now I am done. I looked at the mirror last time and then went to get my phone. I suddenly feel so nervous and tense. There the feeling again came that something bad is going to happen. Maybe it is just because I am going to see Krsh after a long time. I decided to ignore the jitters and focus on the moment.

As I was giving myself a prep talk, I heard the knock on the door, fearing it may be Krsh I decided to first listen to any sound from outside.

"Bhabhi, it's me, Shanaya, open the door." After listening to her I opened the door and looked at her, who was wearing a corset design black dress with white dots, with thin straps and a sweetheart neckline. She was looking elegant and the way she paired it up with high bun and pearl earrings is appreciable. And why not afterall, she is a designer.

"You are looking beautiful." I complimented her with a smile.

"Not more than you, bhabhi. Ohh, these talks will be going on, but we have to hurry. I will be going with you as everyone already went with Krsh bhai."

After listening to her, I picked up my phone and then we both went to the car waiting for us. It took us half an hour to reach the venue because of the traffic. Shanaya took me to the way where there were less media and cameras. We directly reached where ma and everyone was. I can feel shivers down my whole body. It felt like everyone's attention was on us. I tried to calm my nerves down and touched the feet of papaji, dadi and bua who gave me their blessings. Though bua didn't interact with me much but there were no indirect insults thrown my way which I was thankful for. My eyes met with Viraj who just nodded at me to which I gave a smile to him. Raghav bhai didn't came as he was out of country for business meeting.

Krsh has gone to meet with other businessmen which I got to know from ma. Everybody seated including us and Krsh was still nowhere to be seen. The event started with some speeches and some awards then came the time where Krsh was going to get the award.

"And the businessman of the year award goes to......Krsh Singhania." The host announced and the whole hall erupted into claps and there Krsh was walking like he owned the damn place, like he is the king wearing a three piece black suit making the world know that he is the king. Everybody stood up, girls were dying for one look from him, men were looking and wondering how he did it and he didn't give a look to all of it.

Standing on that stage and receiving the award with a smile that made me fall for him for a time I have lost count of, I looked at him with a proud feeling and hoped he spared me a glance which he did when he was looking and wandering his eyes for his family. I can see he is shocked to see me and surprised but he averted his eyes just as quickly as he looked at me. I frowned at that and thought it might be because everyone is here and didn't give much thought.

After the whole award thing and his speech, he came in our direction. I was eager for his one glance at me. Although many people who ma and papa made me meet have complimented me but I was dying to know what he thinks of me tonight in this saree. But I guess it is not my fate today because as soon as he came he started talking with everyone except me.

"So bhai, what do you think of our surprise, is it beautiful?" Shanaya asked him, wiggling her eyebrows and making me stand in front of him. I was looking down but deep inside I was dying to hear my name from him. Before he could say anything a colleague of his office came and then both got involved in their talks, Shanaya also went to some of her friends who have come here.

I was feeling like I didn't belong here. The night I was waiting for and so excited has turned into the night where I want to hide from everyone in my room and cry for hours. I can feel my eyes getting moisture in them, but before the tears come running down like Niagara falls I wiped them before anyone could notice them.

No, I can't cry here, I can't let people make fun of Krsh and others about how Krsh's wife cries on small things. After a lot of socializing, we all proceeded back home. I can't believe it is midnight and I have booked tickets for today itself because I don't want anyone to say that I am taking advantage of Krsh and his family. I heard some girls talk about Krsh's choice of girl, that is me and let's say it was not good hearing them but I can't do anything.

We reached the Singhania mansion and soon everybody departed to their rooms. I also didn't wait for a second because if I did I would not be able to control myself and I do not wish to but I can cry my whole heart in my room. As soon as I reached I closed the door and slide down through it because my heart was getting heavy.

Again I am not enough for someone. Again I am the one who needs to change. Again I am the one who is not deserving. I know I do not deserve Krsh and the people and things that come with him, but once I wanted to be selfish, once I wanted to live for myself, but again it is not enough. I can feel my heartbeat rising, I was gasping for air. Realization hit me, I was having a panic attack. I heard someone knocking on the door, but I was not in the state to even move. I wanted to disappear from this world. I kept one hand on my mouth to not let any noise out and one hand on my chest to rub and let in the air.

After sometime when I felt better to breathe and move, I made my way to the bathroom, wiped off the makeup, washed my face, changed into comfy clothes and slipped into the covers in bed after taking the medicines. It felt warm but not enough like the warmth which Krsh's arm provided. I am missing him so much, but I think he also realized that he doesn't want me. Is he also going to leave me alone like everyone else? One of the reasons I came here was to tell Krsh everything about my past, but since he doesn't want me now I think I should also not expect anything from now on.

I take a deep breathe and decided that I will not wait a moment and go from here before anyone could wake up informing ma only, I will go from here

Thinking about all this I didn't know when I fell into a deep sleep.